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Days in Grief : Bereavement with the Beloved One True Thoughts on Caregiving

Here is a story from a lady in her seventies who took care of her husband till he sadly passed away.

The Rose of Sharon is in bloom beautifully. The white Rose of Sharon is the only flower my husband liked, who was not at all interested in flowers. At this time last year, we were watching the flower together… When his illness was found, it was at Level 4 and had metastasized to bones and lymph nodes. Operation was not possible. Even a strong man like him, my husband was so shocked that he was dumbfounded. Then began his life under medical treatment which lasted for one year and eight months. I decided to enjoy the days as much as I can together with my husband. While watching his condition, we went on trips, driving and often walking. Even now, wherever I walk, memories come back and I become sad.

He did not complain and underwent his treatment always with a positive attitude and all his might. We even challenged the immunotherapy which was not established yet. However, his pain in the back worsened. I could only pray that his pain would ease and rub his back. Every day I felt my own helplessness.

When we considered receiving a “second opinion”, he was reluctant at first because he had a faithful personality. Our daughter and I somehow managed to persuade him saying “it is your right as a patient and you don’t have to worry about it”. He accepted it at last and got hospitalized. He received palliative care and radiotherapy in parallel. He carried on his treatment with a reliable doctor and kind nurses. He was liberated from his pain and was discharged from hospital in two weeks. He stayed at home for three weeks, but he could not walk well. We held hands seriously and firmly for the first time in our 52 years of marriage as I attended him when he needed to go to the washroom, bathroom and toilet.

On the twelfth day of his second hospitalization, he passed away quietly just like a Rose of Sharon falling down, being watched over by his three children and their spouses, grandchildren, elder brother and two younger sisters.

When he was alive, he used to go for “go (Japanese board game of capturing territory)” volunteering because he wanted to see the people waiting for him at the “carer’s café”. Now that I am being helped by everybody at the café in the same way and feeling the purpose in life, I feel there is a curious turn of fate.

Add Professional Support to Caregiving at Home

“Small-scale Multifunctional Care Home” is a community-based care facility that offers a free combination of one-day visit, overnight stay and visit to home. They provide strong support for the caregivers at home and whom they care for.

3 Features of Small-scale Multifunctional Care Home
Day Visit: Time and day of the week can be customized. Services are available for necessary matters at necessary timing including urgent cases.

Overnight Stay: Available at necessary timing including sudden occasions. Users and their families can feel assured as they stay with the staff and other users whom they know at a place they are used to coming,

Visit At Home: You can request when and how long to visit and what services to receive. Necessary service offered at necessary times. The visiting staff is whom the users know well.

Why not incorporate this system into your caregiving at home? You can lead your own way of caregiving without becoming passive. There are three facilities in Koganei City which offers the “Small-scale Multifunctional Care Home”. Please visit the facility nearest to your home and feel the atmosphere. Talking to the caregiving professionals will definitely bring you more smiles.

“Care Management Center Utena” cooks more than 20 meals. Users and staff take lunch together. “Everyone looks forward to lunch,” says Mr. Sakuma, the representative. Activities such as karaoke and mahjong and seasonal events are their key features too. There is a physical therapist among care managers. Music therapy and functional training are offered as well as support for disabled job seekers. Mr. Sakuma’s generous personality and understanding for the users’ feeling as well as the fair and equal atmosphere among the staff make you feel at home.

“Kaori Koganei” is a new facility with the warmth of wood, which opened in April 2017. It is a nursing small-scale multifunctional facility where users in need of medical practice can rely on. Meals are based on the delivery set menu with set ingredients and recipe. Their services are provided according to the symptoms of users. In a day visit, it is possible for the users to go home after dinner. Visiting caregiving and nursing are offered from 9 to 18. Activities include exercise, torn-paper picture, coloring, walking and games. Users can intermingle with the residents of the group home inside the same building, which is already full. Mr. Kitahara, the head of the facility says that their motto is to respect the dignity and stay close to the feelings of the users.

UPTREE Carers’ Cafe Information
UPTREE offers several carers’ cafes:
– Dementia Café Orange for those who are caring for dementia patients (Every 2nd Saturday)
– Cancer Café for cancer patients (Every 3rd Saturday)
– Siblings Café who are caring for their siblings (Every 4th Sunday)
Time: 10:30 – 14:00
Venue: FRONTIER, a café near Musashi-koganei Station, South Exit.
Fee: 500 yen (Drink, sweets and light meal included)

Please come along and join!

Other cafes:- Dementia Café Nukui-kita: Let’s talk about dementia (Every 1st Monday and 3rd Thursday)
Time: 10:30-14:00
Venue: Koganei Kitamachi Center, Seikatsu Room
Fee: 100 yen (Tea and Sweets included)

– Grief Café: For those who have lost their beloved ones. (Every 1st Thursday)11:30-13:30
Fee:

Venue: FRONTIER, a café near Musashi-koganei Station, South Exit.

Please contact UPTREE if you would like to join or have any questions.